Married in a Single World

So J sent me the OkCupid test to take. I love those kinds of tests, but they're always geared towards single people. Makes it kind of fun, tho! "How many people have you slept with in the last... month, year, 2 years, 3 years"... Look, I've been married for almost 5! The answer is "One"!! .... or IS it?.... (gotta keep the intrigue level up...)

Anyway, it turns out: "Lusty but indirect. Kind, but also using friendship as a means to sex. Oh, that feels gooood. You are The Backrubber" Noooooo!!! I always HATED those guys that gave backrubs at the youth group retreats.

It goes on "We call you 'The Backrubber' because you straddle that fine line between coming on to someone and just treating her nicely. Backrubs are just one example; you'd meet for coffee, or talk about books/movies, or even argue a little bit, all the while mostly preferring to screw." Now, I feel better that it's not just Backrubs... I'll take coffee or talking... maybe I should be "The Arguer"! "Mostly preferring to screw"? What? This test is geared at younger, single guys - which of them WOULDN'T prefer to screw? I'm starting to get suspicious that these tests are like horoscope... so broad that just about any description seems to fit!

Lest you think I'm evil and keniving... "Your indirect approach is not some evil trickery, but rather a result of your open mind. You'd enjoy either love or sex, but the latter definitely doesn't require the former." See?! Nothing to worry about... relax... why are you so tense... maybe a backrub would help...

It gets better: "So ultimately, you just enjoy a woman, and let things take their course. If she wants you, great. If not, that's fine too." No it's not! My ego is hurt! Everybody wants to be wanted, especially by people they want! Their horoscope writer screwed up on that one.

There's more: "Though you're not thinking too much about Love at this point in your life, odds are, when the time comes, you'll be very happy settling down." Hahahaha!! I even told them I was married! I guess a wife and kid isn't settled down enough?

The best for last: "Your ideal mate is gentle and horny, just like you." You can't make this stuff up! I should avoid "The Peach" but consider the "Playstation". Oooooh! Sounds like a fun game! Where's that game controller? Wifey's always hiding it...

Thanks J!